Early morning Thoughts...

Good Morning Sweet Community

Its 6:37 here on the west coast and I was awoken by Katrina’s daily greeting of non-stop purring and wanting to be petted, till I basically she realizes I’m not getting up yet to feed her or I fall back asleep. She doesn’t want me grab her and hold her she only wants her head rubbed for what seems like an hour. Then Zeus makes his visit and sits on my chest, kneads my chest with his claws gently and purrs and pushes his face into mine until he realizes I’m not getting up to feed him.

So now I’m awake and it’s about an hour till feeding time.

My head filled up quickly with lots of thoughts.

Firstly I thought about my spirit families who are still participating in medicine circles in the Bay Area, practicing the Native American traditions of plant medicines, prayers and songs in an all night service. I know they are praying for me and I sent part of my spirit to each of those ceremonies to be there.

Last night, I lit a fire, sang some songs with my rattle and drum and prayed, then tied up prayer ties, small bundles of tobacco that hold very specific prayers. I put them in the fire and the smoke takes the prayers to Mother, Father God to be answered.

This helped me to feel connected to these ceremonies that I have not been able to fully participate in since I was diagnosed…although in my healthier movements I have gone to a few.
I miss them deeply but have been learning how to connect on the spirit plane and know I am being held there and healed.

I was given the Mantra Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing and have realized over the past several months that this is about all parts of myself. Not just my physical body, but my mental, spiritual bodies, my heart, letting go of old patterns, letting go of situations and even friendships that are not in line with who I have become and how I want to be treated, letting go of ideas and opinions that I have held so dearly to define who I am.

I am again and again realizing that all spiritual practices bring us to the same road, the road of being of Service, The Road of being a good HUMAN BEING, the road that it is really all about the Love and loving and accepting each other, of getting out of each others way and allowing us each to have our own path and pace in that path.

I’ve learned to try to be like the Eagle and fly above all situations to see the big picture and that healing and life is an "arc of time thing"

Do I get disappointed, upset, scared and frustrated? Yes of course. Do I have to reinstate my faith? Many times.

But I am here and fighting and keeping my heart open to Mother, Father, and God. All names lead to the Divine one, to the one Master teaching of love.

So here I am in what seems to be a second round of house arrest. To be extra cautious this winter season. Doc Martin put it sternly, this winter it is crucial for you Victoria, you must basically be like a hermit. no more pulmonary problems, get those lungs healthy, no more colds and flu. Which is what I have been fighting for the past month or two.

I am upset, of course. Did I have a different idea about how I would be feeling at this time? Of course. But I am alive and I am being schooled in how fragile my body is at this time. And they don’t mess around when they say The New Normal.

Some expect me to be the same; some don’t understand and figure I’m the former Victoria. That’s ok, I understand. I have no idea who I am half the time either. Noah and I are scared about money and may have to move out of the City to try save $1,000 in rent. I accept all this of course…it’s not my ideal, but I accept with faith that we are being guided.

I’m just hoping for love and acceptance from myself and those who love me. But it doesn’t always work that way. We struggle with change, when those change around us, in some ways it gives us space to change too. And not everyone is ready to change at the same time.

Winter 2007/2008 will certainly bring change; it’s the gift we can count on. But we can have hope that this change is all for our highest good and the highest good of the world around us.

My prayer continues to be Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing. I have faith that means my lungs will get better, I’ll be able to eat more and not fade away (I weight about 113 right now, pretty light for me). I pray that from my home and from my computer I can be of service by sharing my words and by growing into who I am and what I was meant to do on this planet. By embracing the strong woman I am, but express that in ways that mean to me and not what others think.

I also pray that as my body becomes stronger and I can go out into the world I can work again doing whatever it is that will touch my heart and be of service. I miss that. I miss being out in the world more. But it will come soon, I know have faith in that.

But I’ve learned about being at home.

I write and read and craft, probably watch too much TV at times, play Uno with Noah and have connective times with him. I spend time with my plants and cats and create a sanctuary. And mostly learn the big huge lesson of patience and faith.

Its 7am now the darkest part of the night and morning has passed, all those in ceremony may being going through the hardest part of their ceremonies, they be coming back to the light feeling touched by God and cleansed of fears and blocks and blind them from seeing the beautiful people they are.

Others are getting up to go to church, or lay their yoga mats on the floor. Some may be getting up to take meds and get their vitals taken, some our waking up in their partners arms, or feeding their newborns, some are waking up hoping for a meal and some water and some shelter, some are waking up to gun fire, and floods, some are waking up the sound of silence in the mountains or the sound of the ocean braking on the surf....We are all connected in everything we do even though it is so vastly different. We are all one connected by the Holy ones to learn about ourselves, to take care of each other, to remember why we are here, and who we REALLY are.

We are here to help heal this planet in so so so many ways.

I offer my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing not only for myself but I offer it up to our planet and those on it. Because as we heal ourselves in small and big ways we contribute to that healing for the whole planet. So never think you aren’t doing anything. You are by being you and by sharing yourselves with others in a loving and accepting way. And slowly but surely you will want to do more and more for this planet and yourself and slowly you will know the joy of being of service.

What a blessing that Father Sun has risen for us one more day to give light and life to mother earth to give us another day. To be grateful for our bodies and what we have. To have courage and strength to get through the tough stuff, knowing we are loved and taken care of.

Happy early Sunday. May you be filled with the spirit in whatever form that spirit takes in your life.
And know I send out deep love and gratitude on this early morn. Kitties meowing what to be fed, and then my bed calling me for another couple hours of sleep.

Take care during this holiday season. Remember its true meanings which is really the gift of love and appreciation for those we love.

Love, Love and Nothing but Love!!!

Namaste
Victoria