Just wanting to say hello...

Hey Beautiful Community!!

Where ever you are I hope you are cozy and warm or enjoying the sunshine. I hope you are feeling loved and feeling my gratitude.

It is early here, not 8AM yet. But I did get a good 8.5 hours of sleep plus an afternoon nap yesterday.

So I’m awake and moving Slowly.

Noah is in Kansas again, Actually Overland Hills, working with Sprint. He has been away more then he has been here the past couple of months. So the weekends are precious...busy catching up on things and trying to have valuable time together.

He is enjoying his work but getting a little tired of traveling.

NYC will be a precious gift to share with one another.

We intend to have a very mellow Thanksgiving for the first time in a while. I decided I didn’t want to cook and together we decided on a quiet dinner for 2 somewhere and a walk in nature, conserving our energy for NYC.

11 days till we leave and I want to be strong, grounded and rested.
What an amazing gift it will be to meet Christine, AND wow, meet her in such a big way!!!!

I have to admit that lately I have come up against challenges I didn’t think I would come up against during this healing process. And I have realized that these challenges really get me down and pull from my energy recourses that should be reserved for healing.

But here I am a human person who is alive and will still come up against human life things.

I made an attempt to go to a support group last night but passed out on the couch and woke up at 5 when the class was beginning, I’ll go next month and make sure I have my nap earlier. I am hoping this will be helpful in navigating this part of my healing.

The things I question/wonder/ or have discovered:

What is too much to ask of Friends?
Am I expressing gratitude the best and most humble way I can be?
Do Cancer patients come to a place when they see who they can depend on and who they cant, who can hang and who can’t?
Do Cancer Survivors lose friends because of their Cancer and recovery?
How much stress can affect the healing process?
When do you draw the line and say this is too much for me to be involved in and step back?
How can I navigate this and not take it personally and still know I am loved?
How do I express loving boundaries?
How do I express my truth in a loving way?
How do I reflect peace when I am feeling "attacked" or told I’m not doing enough or not doing what I "could be" doing?
How do I drop defensiveness when I am feeling defended?
What would Gandhi or Jesus do?
In the wake of all of this how can I continue to reflect peace and contribute to not only my healing but the healing of this planet, thru the practice of complete peaceful interactions?
How can I find the joy and remember the joy and the gift that I am alive and remember the healing I am receiving every minute of every day?

One would think that just trying to survive Cancer and trying to bring my body in balance, take all my pills, go to clinic, get stuck with needles, get my blood taken from me and then returned, getting huge bruises on my arms every 2 weeks, trying to eat well, trying to walk every day to get strong and remain open and PATIENT to my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing is enough to do, enough to work on, presents enough challenges, presents enough opportunities for growth and practice....but gosh at this year and 7 months mark I’m finding this not to be true. There’s more.

This is part of being alive and being with other people I guess. And being Human.

I’m searching online for groups like this, ones that meet more then once a month, or people that are ahead of me in this process. I’m just waiting for the info to come in. I think that these questions can only be answered by people who have been or are where I am. And also by what my heart tells me.

I feel slightly sad and a little depressed and even a little angry in some ways. But I get to sit with all these feelings and get to the bottom of them…and work it out because I have very few distractions in my life currently. It’s all just right there in my face.

Who would have thought? But I’ll bet every Cancer Survivor has a story to tell like this.

I just keep learning how to protect myself, how to let the emotions flow thru me, not take things too personally, practice compassion for others, and in it all I am discovering who I am or rather who I have become.

I guess this kind of thing can come up in our lives Cancer or no Cancer. So maybe some of this sounds familiar to you.
Thank you for letting me share as usual.
Thank you for all your continued prayers, as usual.
Thank you for the love and your desires to see me survive and live a long happy and healthy life.
Thank you for being apart of my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing.
Thank you for all each of you have done for me in your own ways...near and far.

Love, Love and nothing but love to each and every one of you.

Namaste
Victoria