The Blues...

Hello Dear Community

I hope you all are having exactly the kind of Saturday evening you enjoy the most.

I’m lounging with Noah, waiting to take my meds and go to bed....always need to wait 2 hours after eating before taking the last of my pills. Tonight I ate late (8:00pm), so at 10 I can take them and go to bed.

They lowered my Prednisone just a touch more, so this I am grateful for. Let’s keep going with that....

But over the course of the past 3 weeks, since the first taper, I’ve been really feeling the Blues. Side effects? Maybe.

Trying to flow with it, this Roller Coaster of happy, content, Blah, exhausted, tearful, anxious........and so on.

I am also taking a little less of my anti-anxiety meds since I am taking less Pred, maybe all that is effecting me. They wanted to put me back on the same dosage but I declined, "like a Big Girl" (Ha) because really, I want to wean off all of that stuff anyway and get my mind and spirit back fully. So I’m strapped in and riding the wave.

I never was a huge fan of Roller Coasters, that’s my brother’s deal. But I’m told you are supposed to keep your eyes open and don’t hold your breath, and it makes the ride a little less horrifying, seems the same can hold true here in this situation.

I am to that point in this sloooooooow healing process where I am tired of being tired, tired of feeling restricted, tired of taking pills and just plain tired of the routine.

Whew. How does one find the sunshine in all of this? The silver lining, the happy "Have a nice day smiley face?

I manage, I do ok most of the time. But get me alone with my mind and my thoughts and all the above mentioned stresses and I am weepy and worried.

On Oct 16th I will have my 1 year Biopsy and feel worried about that and then feel worried that I feel worried.

UGH, just stop already!!

Certainly I am having an opportunity to see where my mind goes and lots of good and juicy emotional things are showing themselves for me to look at, resolve, work out, release.....

It’s like I am finding my truth in my crazy medicated mind. Does that sound like something a mental patient would say? "I’m not crazy this is who I am". I have no idea.

So here in my heavenly home on Eagle street, surrounded by our lush plants, and our kitties with concerned looks on their faces and my husband and his patient dear heart, I make myself suffer or I laugh it off, or I feel pretty darn good, or I feel lonely and isolated or some assorted new feeling.

And I think to myself, I guess I get to experience this because there’s not too much escaping I can do, all I can do is keep my arms inside the car, make sure the safety bar is locked, keep my eyes open and breathe.

Big Prayers please for Vibrant continued remission and my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing.

For all of you Love, Love and Only Love.

Happy Saturday and Sweet Sweet Dreams.

Namaste
Victoria