I thought Chemo was hard...

Hello All

I have been pondering what I can email to everyone. No new news to report.

Firstly, I hope you all are taking time to slow down and allow yourself to really go inward. As we approach Winter we also approach the Holiday Season. Sometimes we can feel pushed in one direction like to slow down and pulled in the other, like to be social and over booked.

I am in a complete state of "not knowing" and surrender. I feel tired but nothing health-wise is going on. The Doc is still kinda tweaking my Meds and I’m doing my best to really invite them into my body.

I generally feel low energy and Blah as I integrate this new immune system. I feel cranky and want my life back. I want to come and go as I please and I want to feel vibrant and strong. I’ve only been home a couple of weeks but already I have realized that this is the hardest part of the process, even harder then Chemo in many ways.

It dawned on me, that I am growing a new body from the inside out. I wonder is this how it is to be a new born baby, to feel so small and weak at times, dependant on others, so vulnerable to everything and its new life. Yet a new born doesn’t really question what it is going through. It may react here and there but generally it just coos, maybe cries a little and allows itself to be cared for.

So perhaps like a new born I just allow this process to be, allow myself to grow my new immune system. Observe the changes carefully, share this with my nurse and my doctor and give myself the space to "mature"

Happy in between Holidays everyone.

Always sending big love, purrrs and Prayers.

Namaste
Victoria