Feeling down...

Hey Sweet Community

I wanted to give you all an up date on what is going on.

Firstly I hope you are all cozy and dry, whatever is appropriate to where you live.

As you know I had C-dif and thankfully got over that, not without loosing a substantial amount of weight.

The Scope I had (a flex scope) did reveal a tiny tiny bit of GVHD. We are taking care of that by holding on tapering the prednisone and I am starting another very gentle med tomorrow

This past Friday evening I started experiencing extreme upper ab pain especially after I ate. I woke up on Saturday feeling good, but again after I ate the pain reoccurred. So Noah and I decided at 8PM that we would go to the ER and get some tests and have it checked out. The pain was intense.

So I had a CT scan and they did find some "pieces" of connective tissue or something like that on my Gall bladder that I may indicate that I had passed a stone at some unknown time.

My liver counts were high and they were going to admit me but I begged to be sent home because now its 7am and I knew by the time I got the the floor and they did their thing I wouldn’t be sleeping till noon.

I promised if I had worse pain I would go in, and that I would go to clinic to get blood checked on Monday.

UGH!!

So I went today liver and counts all normal, BUT I am schedule for an Ultra Sound on Wed to take a better look at the Gall Bladder. If it persists its bye bye Gall Bladder, thank goodness for laser.

I am down to 101 lbs. I cant eat much, I’m weak and weeping and frustrated and in pain.

I am told to drink 2 weight gain shakes a day and try to take in 1500 calories a day.

Today each time I drank the shake I’m in pain for about an hour and then it goes away. But I am going to keep trying.


I did get to see Doc Martin today and even though he had no quick fix I always get great comfort in seeing him, it had been a while.

He reminded me that this is a very slow process and it is just taking my new cells Christine’s immune System to feel comfortable with my body.

I don’t know if you can pray to an immune System but I certainly am and to Creator to give me strength and Patience and some comfort.

Noah has been beyond amazing and is taking really good care of me.
I doing the best I can with eating and moving around the house when I can to try to keep my strength up.

Sometimes I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and then I remind myself to keep fighting and this will pass, this is a bump in the road. I continue to nurture my body with acupuncture and energy work.

We try to watch movies and laugh as much as we can. But I can get too serious sometimes. At last I am appreciating Noah’s weird sense of humor.

People have come to visit a little and it distracts me and cheers me up. Sometimes I go in the car with Noah while he does errands and sit in the car to wait for him. I like the fresh air. But generally I try to stay out of stores and crowded places because I want to keep my lungs safe. Its flu season and I have to stay protected. My breathing seems to be improving. Its hard to tell where things come from, although I know I am very deconditioned.

So I imagine the day that I can build my body back up from scratch, like a new born baby, like a second chance at life.

But I’m not going to lie. This is Friggin hard shit. This is really hard. All the stuff I do to help ease my pain and anxiety does not take away how hard it is. They stand side by side. Just like life. Life is hard and life is good as my teacher says, but I always like to add that is so beautiful and so precious. Our lives deserve to be honored and nurtured and treated as sacred. Because we are sacred.

Sitting still and letting Faith, God, Creator, Divine Mother, Holy Ones, All my Sweet Spirit Guides, and my body do what they need to do to move me thru this to the other side that is full of strength and vitality and Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing.

May your evening be full of peace and Love and may your bodies take good care of you and may you take good care of your body. It’s a New Year, what is it that you have always wanted to do to take care of your body in a better way.

Do it, think about how sacred this vessel you have been given is to hold your beautiful Spirits!!!

All my Love and all my Gratitude!!!

Sweet Dreams

Namaste
Victoria