Team Victoria: October 2006

Lady in waiting...

Hello Sweet community

I hope you are all doing well. It is looking very cool and cozy from the view in my room.

I am having a battle with the temp in my room...it goes from being too hot to being too cold. Can’t tell if it is the low blood counts or just a crazy cooling/heating system here on 11 Long.

Today my throat is starting to bother me. I am told it could be sores in the throat, which is one of the side effects of the Chemo. I have no skin rashes, no vomiting, I have an appetite and I still have my hair. My head is itching a bit so I suspect that my hair will be falling out soon.
Ah well it will grow back.

Other then that I am doing pretty good. This is the beginning of my 3rd week here and close to a week after the transplant.

I feel like a Lady in Waiting... You never know what low blood counts will bring and how I will feel in a few days when they are at their lowest.....I am not being negative it is just part of the process AND the healing, strangely enough. What I am always visualizing is White Light filling my body.

I feel so happy and as I said I feel healed already and this process I am going thru including losing my hair and the sores in my mouth is just aiding my healing on a deeper and fuller level.

I have a lot of good books to read, the constant company of my parents, Noah and assorted friends. For that I am grateful AND I am not on any precautions that would prevent me from walking so I continue to do my walking. I love to do the walking. It feels good to move and stay connected to my body and the ground.

Be well all. Thank you for being in my life in this way and sending all the healing love and vibes and prayers my way.

Happy Halloween
Big Huge Prayers
Big Huge Love
and of course purrrs

Namaste
Victoria

Walking like a Mad woman...

Hello everyone

I hope you are cozy in your home or living it up for a night on the town, perhaps you are at a Halloween party or at the movies. Whatever you are doing I hope you are having a wonderful time doing it.

I continue to feel really really good. If anything I am feeling a little antsy and keep asking if I could do all of this from the comfort of my own home. Of course the answer is always no.

Because of this I have become the walking Madwoman. I’m told that 12 times around the floor equals a mile so I have been walking a mile after each meal and sometimes some extra laps here and there.

I have to admit that I love interacting with all the nurses and everyone I pass as I do my laps. When I pass other patients I enjoy smiling and greeting them. Sending them love and a smile thru my gaze ( I am wearing a mask so they cant see my beaming smile). All these things nurture my heart. It is so important to have that connection with everyone.

......So I’m getting plenty of exercise, good rest, nice visits from friends, and sweet time with my family and Noah. We all have become experts at Uno. Noah and I have been trying to watch a movie at night. So it is all good.

As my blood counts begin to drop I could experience some downtime as they get to their lowest point. This is projected to occur by next Saturday. It is an interesting experience to "wait" for that to occur. I guess it is like surfing, the more you relax and go with the flow the easier it is.

I truly have been practicing the power of positive thoughts and words and continue to savor these moments of feeling really good.

I am totally aligned with this treatment and am eager to continue to work with my body and the doctors and nurses and the Medicine as we all have the same goal in mind…to fully and completely heal my body.

My heart remains fully open to the Love, to the prayers, to all that is being sent my way. My Spirit remains connected to my Faith and all the Sweetness I am being given by all of my spirit guides and healers and of course Creator.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend. Smile and love the world around you. It really can be a healing thing...trust me.

Big Prayers
Big purrs
And Big Love

Namaste
Victoria

Stem Cells Swimming...

Hello Dear Ones

I am happy to say I have had my Stem Cell transplant as of about 4pm today. We thought that it was going to happen tomorrow.

This is what you call a Surprise Birthday!!!

I feel really really good. The only thing that got be sleepy was the benedryl they give before procedures.

As I was typing this letter the nurses came in with a small Birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Today is my second birthday. And is actually the same date as my birthday in June...the 24th.

Now begins the work of healing and excepting these new cells into my body, I’m praying that the White Blood cells are strong and will fight off the leukemia.

As I said before I already feel like I have been healed!!

I feel so much gratitude to this donor for giving me a part of herself so that I could heal. I am so grateful for all the prayers and good vibes and healing intentions that all of you have been sending.

Life is so beautiful
Life is so Sacred
Life is so precious

Big Love and Huge Smiles to all of you!!!

Namaste
Victoria

Sunny Days...

Hello there Lovely Community

I hope you all are enjoying the weather you have received today.

Although I am here on The Hill, I can look out my window and see that there are many people getting out there and taking advantage of sunny skies and fresh air.

I have been doing what I can to keep myself strong. Walking around the floor 12 times equals a mile. I try to do this after every meal and before bedtime.

I wont know if next week I will start to feel weak or develop a cough that will prevent me from walking. I finished my chemo last night, and feel pretty good so far. Side effects usually start to happen after about a week.

I was reflecting last night that I have been going thru this and have had my sights set on healing since I was admitted to the hospital on April 30. That is 6 months. And although each round was difficult in its own way, this is the Big Kahuna. The Stem Cell transplant itself is easy, it is all the after effects of adjusting.
I intend to really dig down deep to my core strength to get thru these next few months; I can see why people might give up after long treatment regimes.

I know I have the support of all the love and prayers you all give.

I recognize that in many ways this is a gift that is showing me the value of my life. What I am capable of giving, and what I still what to give and how I want to affect my family, my community and beyond.

I am excited about my healing and excited about being out in the world contributing to its healing.

I will make sure I send an email before My Stem Cell Transplant. Perhaps wherever you are you can pause and send some love and Prayers this way.

Thank you so much for being apart of all of this.

I am sending all of you many blessings for a really sacred and special day. Whatever you are doing, where ever you are, may you feel and experience the Love and Beauty around you, may you know you are Loved and may you know how good it feels to give Love.

Big Purrrrs
Big Love
Big Prayers

Namaste
Victoria

Victoria's new contact info...

UCSF Medical Center

505 Parnassus Ave SF CA 94143

11th floor of the Long Wing of the Long/Moffitt hospital

Victoria's room number 1168

Victoria's room phone: 415.353.8474

Nurses station: 415.353.1383

CLICK HERE FOR A MAP OF UCSF (in PDF format)

*** Please give me a call before you come to visit ***

Please keep all calls between the hours of 9:00am and 10:00pm.

Thanks!

The family of Leukemia survivors and supporters...

This is from David, Victoria's brother...

I have a friend who works with a woman named Cornelia Thompson. Corie's husband is in remission from Leukemia, and she is performing a benefit concert:

"Defying Gravity: An evening of fun and soaring songs to benefit The Leukeia and Lymphoma Society"

PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR A PDF FLYER

The Temple on The Hill...

Hello Everyone

I hope you all are having a wonderful day. It is sunny here in San Francisco. I have a view of the Bay this time and the water looks so blue.

From Monday, the day before heading back to the Temple

In a weird way I feel very much at home here. I guess because I spent so much time here the last round.

They started me on Chemo last night and so far I am feeling good. I’ve been told that this round of Chemo, although it is strong may not give me as many side effects.

The Transplant is still due to be done in the later part of the day on the 24th, it could be the 25th if the stem cells arrive too late in the evening. This is called Day 0, and is considered a New Birthday. I’ll keep you posted on that.

As I have said before the ideal is that there is a little bit of Graft vs. Host (Graft being the Donors Cells vs. the Host being Me) and that this occurs after I am out of the hospital.

You know I am given so much information from so many people here and at clinic that it starts to melt together. I am practicing positive conversation and asking for what I want in the most affirming way. So although all this info is important, I make sure I ask for what it is that I want to attract to myself and into my life.

My parents have been wonderful as usual and have been a great support system already. It was nice to have a lot of time with them before I came back to the hospital. We cooked meals together, went out to dinner and walks and saw my brother David in a stage production.

I want to thank all of my parent’s friends in Michigan for holding that fundraiser on my parent’s behalf. Thank you for thinking of them in that way and making this time easier for them by relieving some of their financial burdens. Thank you for giving them both all of your Love and for praying for not just my parents but for my brother David, and for Noah and myself.

Community is everything to me and Noah and I am so thrilled to see my parents supported by so many amazing people.

Thanks for reading and sharing and praying and smiling.

If you want to respond to this email and haven’t figured out how yet you can always send an email to [email protected] or mailto:[email protected]

Big Love
Big Prayers
Big Purrrrs

Namaste
Victoria

As The Time approaches...

Hello Dear Community

I have been thinking a lot about my upcoming hospital visit. It seems time gets faster as we get closer to something we have our sights on.

I have realized that a lot of fear is coming up. And that I am realizing that the strength I am feeling now will soon be different in a week or 2. That is the nature of Chemotherapy and the nature of the Transplant itself. There will be times soon that I will feel sick and weak. That scares me.

I feel challenged in my patience with myself and in my marriage and even have feelings of resentment come up. "Why me"? Or "Oh, they have so much energy, how come I can’t feel that way"? It is a strange and painful place to be in....

I have made it my intention and part of my prayers to let that go, to work with letting it go, and to keep putting my faith in god. And to open my heart even wider to Love.

I found this website and wanted to pass it on. It has a lot of clear info about the transplant and basically what to expect. Just so you all know: http://cpmcnet.columbia.edu/dept/medicine/bonemarrow/bmtinfo.html

I am currently enjoying all I can, side by side the fear and the resentment that comes up.

I will go into the hospital with all the Grace I can. I will set my room up so that I feel surrounded by all the lovely things that carry the Love of those that have given them to me. I'll hang all the cards I receive to remind me that I am thought of, and I will do the best I can to send messages when I have the strength.

Thank you for your prayers for me, and for Noah, who has been so amazing. Thank you for praying for my Mom and Dad (Carole and Harvey) who are just so unbelievable and wonderful and teach what Love is all about.

Thank you for all of that.

I will try to have pictures posted at this blog from time to time.

Keep your emails coming, they do help so much.

Big Big Love
Endless Prayers
Cozy purrrrrs

Going to the Temple on the Hill Soon...

Good Evening Everyone

It has been too long since I last wrote. I have just been enjoying life outside the hospital and getting fresh air and connections with family, friends and Spirit. It has been a really amazing several weeks.

I am going back to the Temple on The Hill (the hospital) on Tuesday Oct. 17th. In some ways I am very ready to take this next step towards healing, but in other ways I wish I could do it from the comforts of my own home.

I had a cold last week and am still coughing a bit, but aside from that it feels as though it has moved thru my system pretty quickly.

The past 6 months have been such a huge journey. It is odd, there are times during these past few weeks, when I am in my life, I am struck with the enormity of all of this. Then there are times when it seems that life is just normal and I do not have Leukemia.

I have this opportunity to look at my life and all its many blessings and its challenges in a very different way.
I have been confronted with fears that were just below the surface.

I have been given the gift to see Community in action and experience how much Love I am surrounded by all the time.

I have been able to see how delicate Life is and how strong the Human Spirit is at the same time.

I have been able to see how many Loving People there are in this world from the capacity of love in my husbands and families hearts, from the people I know and Love in my communities, to the communities that are connected thru my communities, from my family and the people that love them, to the doctors and nurses and all the various staff at UCSF, to my donor who is so willing to give apart of herself. I have experienced first hand the power of Prayer and intention and how willing people are to pray for one another.

As if I ever had a doubt about any of these things, to be at the receiving end of so much Love, brings me to my knees and breaks my heart wide open.

And the thing is I know that it will continue not just for me but it will continue to happen for everyone we love and for everyone who needs these things. That is the most beautiful thing of all. That we have so much Capacity for Love and it is possible to be in that place at all times.

When I pack my several bags and all my sacred items and get in the car to go to UCSF, the Temple on the Hill. I will carry peace in my heart and a smile on my face because I feel so taken care of and so strong in my body and in my heart and in my Spirit and it is because of the LOVE.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Sweet Dreams

Big Prayers.
Big Love
And Big Purrrrrs.

Namaste
Victoria

Going to the Temple on the Hill Soon...

Good Evening Everyone

It has been too long since I last wrote. I have just been enjoying life outside the hospital and getting fresh air and connections with family, friends and Spirit. It has been a really amazing several weeks.

I am going back to the Temple on The Hill (the hospital) on Tuesday Oct. 17th. In some ways I am very ready to take this next step towards healing, but in other ways I wish I could do it from the comforts of my own home.

I had a cold last week and am still coughing a bit, but aside from that it feels as though it has moved thru my system pretty quickly.

The past 6 months have been such a huge journey. It is odd, there are times during these past few weeks, when I am in my life, I am struck with the enormity of all of this. Then there are times when it seems that life is just normal and I do not have Leukemia.

I have this opportunity to look at my life and all its many blessings and its challenges in a very different way.
I have been confronted with fears that were just below the surface.

I have been given the gift to see Community in action and experience how much Love I am surrounded by all the time.

I have been able to see how delicate Life is and how strong the Human Spirit is at the same time.

I have been able to see how many Loving People there are in this world from the capacity of love in my husbands and families hearts, from the people I know and Love in my communities, to the communities that are connected thru my communities, from my family and the people that love them, to the doctors and nurses and all the various staff at UCSF, to my donor who is so willing to give apart of herself. I have experienced first hand the power of Prayer and intention and how willing people are to pray for one another.

As if I ever had a doubt about any of these things, to be at the receiving end of so much Love, brings me to my knees and breaks my heart wide open.

And the thing is I know that it will continue not just for me but it will continue to happen for everyone we love and for everyone who needs these things. That is the most beautiful thing of all. That we have so much Capacity for Love and it is possible to be in that place at all times.

When I pack my several bags and all my sacred items and get in the car to go to UCSF, the Temple on the Hill. I will carry peace in my heart and a smile on my face because I feel so taken care of and so strong in my body and in my heart and in my Spirit and it is because of the LOVE.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Sweet Dreams

Big Prayers.
Big Love
And Big Purrrrrs.

Namaste
Victoria