Just like a little child...oh yes and I'm still in REMISSION...!!!!

Hello Happy Joyful People

Got the official word today from the one and only Doc Martin....I am in REMISSION!!!!! Yippee. I figured this much based on my blood work and how I have been feeling and the GVHD.
but there’s always that feeling in the stomach.

I forgot that my body is like a little child all brand new. So Tuesday I get to have a mumps shot, a Hep B shot, a flu shot and 2 other childhood shots.

EEEEEEEKKK.

And no one there to hold my hand (Noah will be traveling).

Ah well I’m a big grrl, and I can take it. I could always bring my teddy bear I used in the hospital What’s 5 shots all in a row!!!! I had chemo that was likened to Anti Freeze for Pete’s Sake!!!!! I can take it.

I’m not a fan of shots, yes, even after all this time.
But I’d rather get it all done at once in one clean sweep.

Were going down on the pred, and then soon to follow the meds that I am taking because Im taking the pred.

BUT I was informed that most likely I will continue to take all my other meds for about 3 years. The lowest possible I can handle. This is what its all about the NEW NORMAL.

I do intend to look into more ways to care for my liver and kidneys so they can be strong soldiers in my body filtering and functioning in the best and strongest way possible. The Acupuncture is really good for that, but I know there are other things I can and will do. Yoga, eating well, exercise, drink lots of filtered water...Extra, Extra, Extra special care to the details of caring for my body.

I’m OK with it all really tho because, well I’m alive and intend to stay that way for many, many more years to come.

The day is beautiful. I am planning a day of R&R in preparation for the celebration on Sunday.

I hope that where ever you are you are appreciating the day and your life and all you have and loving the moment you are in.

Non-stop Love all the time.

Namaste
Victoria

Ramblings of a Medicated Woman...

Community,

Can you believe it?

Another night and my mind is spinning. This makes 3 nights in a row.

OK so maybe I am a little anxious about the party on Sunday...

Did I send evites to everyone who lives in the bay area (please let me know if I didn’t), I hope so.

Oh my gosh, 91 people so far.

Will I have enough food? I wish everyone who is coming will RSVP, please.......gotta order enough food.

Will I have enough energy. Rest rest rest till Sunday. Nap nap nap.

When will I get the results of the biopsy?

And why do I have these thoughts, full of sleep aids and after a day of taking a lot of my blood out of my body and putting it back in....I should be tired as hell.

Gosh the will of the mind is a big power house and a pain in the butt!

Even Noah being home after being away isn’t comforting enough....there’s the proof, it all comes from within us. The comfort and peace and quieting of the mind.

Nice revelation at 12:24am....let’s see I need to be up at 6:30am for more Photophresis. I’ll get to sleep tomorrow for sure while that’s happening.

Geez these are the ramblings of a medicated Woman.

What am I happy about....let’s go straight for the heart.

I get to celebrate with so many wonderful people on Sunday.

I got to see Jen and Margarita today.

I get a massage on Thursday and Acupuncture too.

Tomorrow, well today, is my 1 year New birthday, my gosh 1 year ago I got these precious stem cells. Thank you Christine, I hope we can meet one day. She loves Bon Jovi!!!!

I’m not in the hospital, I’m here in my home.

I’m alive, very much alive and feisty too.

I got to speak at Light the Night, a dream realized.

Team Victoria Raised a nice chunk of change for LLS!!

I feel loved all the time.

My hair is growing.

I’m losing some of the bloat face and body and slowly weaning off Pred.

They took me off another med that I think has been upsetting my stomach.

I get to see Doc Martin on Friday, which is always a thrill.

We have tons of birds in the front and the backyard supplying hours of entertainment for the cats and myself.

I’m surrounded by so much beauty all the time, in my home with all our plants and outside my window. Divine and precious, Mother Earth Thank you.

I get to wake up and nap or craft or try to take a nice walk or do yoga, or veg in front of the TV, and send emails and a whole host of other things or I can do nothing.

So geez as I write this I am telling that mind to take a hike and go take a nap.

This grrl needs some sleep. She’s got a lot of good stuff happening and its no fun when your sleepy

So thanks for listening to the Ramblings of a Medicated woman, who one day will not be so medicated.

Imagine what I will come up with then.

Tons and tons of love and humble gratitude for all of you, for all you give in your own special ways and how you all have participated DIRECTLY to my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing which will continue to continue.

Love Love and only Love
Sweet Dreams
See you in the Dreamtime

Namaste
Victoria

What a week...

Good Evening and Happy end of the week.

My goodness this has been a week and a half.
Bone Marrow Biopsy on Tuesday.
Sleeping all day on Tuesday and part of Wed.
Feeling congested all week...coughing up big phlegm balls all week.
Yummie acupuncture, followed by an intense Pulmonary Function Test Thursday, followed by Light the Night Thursday evening.
Sleeping most of today, Friday.

I called the clinic Thursday am because I was feeling like my lungs were still a bit stressed from the congestion ( I guess a cold) and hoping they would allow me to postpone my PFT. But to my surprise my NP, Pricilla wanted me to go. grrrrrrrrrrr

It was so so so so hard and my lungs and throat hurt so badly afterwards. They can be very stressful tests. So I ended up feeling not so hot for Light the Night and was more winded and my chest hurt.

I did forget to mention I was doing Light the Night. Maybe the answer would have been different.
But still wasn’t sure why I was told I had to take the test.

Maybe because it took a while to get an appointment, but I’ve been under the weather anyway and was worried the numbers wouldn’t be accurate.

And sure enough, the numbers were not great...well I’m not sure what they mean. But they were not improved not to my surprise

Lung capacity went from 59% to 49%. For Pete’s Sake after each test I was coughing so hard my heart rate went to 106!!!

But some numbers stayed the same.

Again that vagueness I don’t like and the fact I have to wait till next Friday to find out what it all means and what our next step is going to be is frustrating to me.

But all that aside Light the Night was AMAZING!! Just Amazing. And Team Victoria ended up raising 11,350. Our goal was 5,000. I am so grateful for the generosity of everyone…and the hard work of Team Victoria!!

It was a very successful event and many more people then last year. More White Balloons too. It was wonderful to speak, even though I was a bit breathless.

Today I rested a lot and by this evening before I go to bed, my chest and throat do not burn anymore.

Patience, prayers and Faith filling my heart as I wait till my next appointment next Friday which thankfully is with Doc Martin. So I get can get to the nitty gritty about what is going on and when we will retest. No vagueness from him.

He did approve a Chinese Herbal formula that I started taking on Wed and is specifically for inflammation of the lungs. So we shall see how long that takes to work. I’m excited it will fit in well with my acupuncture.

I am always hopeful and positive mixed in with frustration. But thank goodness I am human and can own these feelings experience them and let them go, always making room for what it best for my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing. I make room for Love and prayers and positive outlook that sometimes is hard to muster. So I invite that too. I make room to welcome it in from others and from my core and my heart

It was a rainy day, perfect for sleeping and sitting with those feelings.

Now I go to bed both cats sleeping at the foot of the bed, Noah next to me, the peace and quiet of Eagle St. with a smile in my heart and an easier breath, and very little coughing. See what all that Love from last night gave me.

Have a wonderful evening.

Big love and prayers and many blessings to all you!!

Namaste
Victoria

Light The Night 2007...

Victoria speaks...

Medicated but awake...

Tonight is a strange night.....

I’ve taken all my sleepy time meds, listened to 2 guided imagery CDs that usually knock me out in minutes, but here I am 12:20 and wide awake.

My mind is in full wondering land...imagining this, visualizing that, wondering about those things. what will it be like when....how can I create this..... Not bad things at all. Just lots of wonderings and looking toward my future unknown life ahead.

I had an emotional breakdown of sorts earlier this evening that might have triggered an out pouring of thoughts locked tight away in my mind and heart.

Who knows?

Wouldn't you know it. The alarm is set for 6:30 Am to get ready for clinic and stop by a friends house first to feed her kittie. Isn’t that always the way, like the night before you are going on a big exciting trip.

Ummm this whole thing, my life right now, is a big exciting trip.

Sometimes daydreams and self examination comes in the darkest hours of the night. I’m not struggling either, just floating from one thought to the next, noticing my breath...."wow my breath is feeling easy”, crazy what a good cry releases. Noticing the ideas that come to mind, just imagining what is beyond this healing phase.

I thought the screen from the computer always makes my eyes tired and I can share these thoughts at this odd hour, and take another adivan, and try it all again.

So here I am awake, but OK. Feeling safe and sound and cleared out in some way.
Excited about sleeping and dreaming and excited about having another opportunity for a new day, already ready to choose life and joy and I haven’t even fallen asleep yet.

Anyway, I know most of you are in dreamland, so Ill end this transmission and join you all in the Dreamtime.

Thanks for listening.

Let’s all have a really happy day and maybe, just maybe choose to do one thing differently. I think that is what I am going to try.

Nighty-Night!!!
All my love.

Namaste
Victoria

Patiently waiting and resting......Its my Job...

Good Morning Sweet Community

I hope you are all having a good morning, or afternoon, depending on where you are. No matter what, I hope your day is full of hope and cheer and sunshine or even a cozy rainstorm. Whatever, I hope you are smiling.

All is about the same here. I have had a strange cough for about a week now. Nothing the docs are too concerned about, no infection, just tons and tons of phlegm. Uck. But one nurse mentioned I could be coughing up mucus plugs that were in my bronchioles, now does that mean my lungs are becoming unblocked. I don’t really know.

I do know that oddly enough this cough is not limiting my breathing more. So I guess that’s a good thing. I don’t like vagueness. So I am not completely clear but will be.

Tomorrow is clinic and hopeful I can get some clarity. I will most certainly ask for it, that’s for sure.

Till then I am resting, coughing, spitting, painting a little and resting more.

I move in and out of impatience and just plain boredom. Noah has been away all week again and that is difficult, but he will be back on Friday PM and here for about 7 days instead of 1.5 days like it have been the past couple of weeks.

What can ya do? We are doing all we can to make it easy on me and him, but still it is a challenge.

Good thing I am resting so much. There is so much going on this month

A week from today Oct 18th is Light the Night, I cant believe it. I am very excited. I will be speaking at this event AND they gave our team (we have 18 people now) our own tent.

They will come to us to register us and bring us our tee shirts and balloons and give us a case of water and a place to meet before and after the event.

Usually they give this to teams that have reached $10,000 in donations, we are getting close at $8,875 (remember our goal was $5,000), and I am considered the Honored Hero of San Francisco. I’m the one who is honored and humbled that they are being so generous with us. Who knows we still could make it to $10,000, the donations are still coming in. Thank you to everyone who have given so generously.

Oct 16th I have my one year bone marrow biopsy. Lots of prayers sent that way for continued Remission and Complete and Unlimited Health and healing.

Oct 18th is not only the walk but I am getting my first Pulmonary Function Test in several months, to see the improvement in my lungs. I’m sure there is improvement it certainly feels that way.

Oct 24th will mark one year since the Stem Cell transplant and they call that your New Birthday. That’s what I’d call it because I got my life back.

Then Oct 28th Noah and I are having a Remission celebration, we wish everyone near and far could be there. But if you are in the area and for some reason didn’t get an invite let me know and I will send an evite out to you.

It is a combo 1 year Remission, 1 year "New" bday party.

Then Nov 2 to the 4th I am going away to a little cabin in northern Cal with a group of 10 girlfriends. It will be nice to be away with my women friends for a that connection and play and rest and being in nature.

So there is a lot going on when I step back and look at it all, so rest is important.

I patiently wait for the day when I begin to feel my strength come back and a little more energy and no cough. I may not fully be the Victoria I was before but I am looking forward to some vital vibrant energy so I can be out in the world more actively.

This is part of my Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing I pray for. Always honoring the slow process and doing what I can to participate in aiding the process as well.

To all of you be well, take care during this flu season, eat healthy nourishing foods, get rest, be joyful, laugh a lot, and always carry a positive loving thought for yourself.

Love Love and Nothing more then Love.


Namaste
Victoria

Everyday is a New Day...

Hello all Good Morning

I hope you are all rising and shining with a big happy heart and intentions for a joyful day.

Isn’t that what it’s all about everyday is a New Day, with new choices and new possibilities, and new adventures?

Yes I do indeed think that is what "they say”, who are "they anyway"

Today I am going make a new choice because the choice of self suffering is a painful one. Its 8:20am and I do have some time to change my mind in case suffering feels better but for now. I think I’m going to choose being grateful and observant of the sweet little things that make me smile and take a walk, and get some acupuncture and have lunch with a friend and visit another friend and MAYBE crafts, and nap and eat, and watch the season finale of Top Chef.

So today has all sorts of potential and it doesn’t seem to include too much suffering in there.

It would have potential, I reckon if it was raining, and everyone was busy, and the cable was shut off. It’s all in how we look at it. Sometimes I feel so far away from that practice I am only in that "poor lonely suffering me mode". Ugh, that mode is uckie, yet even in that, it presents a wealth of opportunity to learn and grow and create a new reality.

And yes sometimes I am all for it and other times I’m like screw this Ill just sit here in the mud, thank you very much.

Today I feel ok, although I’m half asleep still. Today, I’m breathing and alive, shades of a little cough. Today the sky is so blue, only how the sky can look in Oct in San Francisco and there is a crisp feeling in the air. I love that.

Today is a New Day full of potential, how are going to choose to remember this day?

Thanks for always listening and praying and thinking of me and loving me and thinking of you and loving yourselves!!!

Whatever you choose today to be may it teach you many things about the how amazing it is to be alive with ALL Lives mysteries!!!

Love Love and only Love

Namaste
Victoria