Breathe in Breathe out, where did my breath go?...

Hey all…

Happy summer.

I guess I am writing because I did to let out some steam and anxiety that is piling up inside my heart.

Things have been going well, and still are going well from the clinics point of view.

But lately I have been very short of breath having difficulty climbing stairs and moving too much or too quickly. This has just occurred since the end of last week.

After a normal chest Xray, and waiting for results from a CT Scan of my chest they think all is well. However, I did have a pulmonary function to test my lungs ability to take in and release H2O. Those numbers were lower. What that means, not to know yet since my doc won’t be back till Friday.

But my O2 uptake is good at about 97 and blood pressure is normal.

I just have so much pressure that to me feels like anxiety courtesy of the pred and the exhaustion of this constant routine.

One fellow patient said that whenever they lower her pred she has shortness of breath and not to worry. I’m hoping this is what it is because they just lowered it last week.

UGH. I’m scared and driving Noah crazy with my craziness and then that makes us both sad. I’m trying to go slow and be aware of my reactions to all these things, but it is so hard to be good and calm all the time. I feel like I burden, I want to do things around here but need help and get frustrated and more anxious. I stop, I lay down, I do a little yoga breathing.

Today I just feel like crying and sleeping. And since I’ve done that most of the day. I’m going to my pipe circle and pray with all my heart.

Sorry for all the complaining, its just been one of those days. I know praying and sitting with Creator and my heart and just let it pour out will help a lot.

Slow slow slow, breathe in breathe out, savor it all, take my meds and close my eyes to nap. Be grateful and positive and visualize full healthy breath filled with peace and no anxiety. This is all I can do.

I am so faithful that Creator is so large and so full of love that there is enough healing for all of us, even when it seems that there are others who are suffering. I’m not sorry for asking for helping and praying for myself. I pray for others too. There is enough for all us.

So please when you pray or meditate remember that.

I love you all…

Here is to the biggest loveliest breaths we can each take.

And hey if anyone can recommend a relaxation DVD I can listen to in these moments, please let me know.

Love and prayers and healing for all of us.

Namaste
Victoria