Subtleness of Healing...

Oh my goodness…

I just realized it has been a while since I wrote last….!!

Back from Detroit last week. We had such a wonderful time. I’m so happy we got to visit with so many people and be in gratitude for all the love Noah and I constantly receive. It was overwhelming at times, but we can take it. I had to sit down a couple of times there was so much love coming my way. Not a bad thing at all.

Thank you for all of those people that I got to see, thank you for being in my parents lives and taking such good care of them. Thank you for being such an amazing community.

And oh my gosh it was so so so so wonderful seeing my Grandma. I love her so much. I want to go back before winter sets in, just to be in her presence again.



The trip went well, health wise. I napped when I could almost every day, the flight was easy, and the eyes are much much much better. As usual my parents are amazing and fun and so understanding and peaceful. Noah was lovely with everyone and insisted on giving hugs instead of handshakes. I loved that. He has such a dear, dear heart.

This week maybe I will get the thumbs up to lower the prednisone. Its up to the eye doc and what he sees. I can tell it is better then it was even at the beginning of the week. Man that is some subtle Medicine and some strong Medicine at the same time. The healing from the GVHD is slowish (but mostly because I am impatient), but it is really working. Every week, every day, something falls away and something is healed.

I’m happy I am on such a low dose and am so sensitive that what they have me on is doing the trick.

I swear I take the little pill in my hand and I pray and we have a little talk and I thank it for doing its work, but be gentle on me. And it listens and God listens and all is well.

The face is a little puffy, I want to eat everything in sight, and I’ve done some serious spring cleaning, and have made so much space in our home. It feels good but I must look like a crazy person sometimes when I am moving around like a ball in a pinball machine.

Then I want to crash, but I can sleep because I feel hyper. I cry about an hour or so after I take my first pill of the morning. I’m cranky and sometimes I don’t even know why I am being cranky. Just snappy and sassy, but not in a cute way.

Noah has been more patient then I have ever seen him.

So I take each moment as it comes. Today I feel good. I promised that I would go back to sleep if I woke up too early this morning but, I didn’t I was up at 6:30, finding something that "HAD" to get done. Nap time later! Yes I did do a few things around here. And here I am writing, which I have been wanting to do.

I am past the 6 month part and in remission, I’m right where my docs want me to be. They say I am doing really really well. But yet I feel this itching inside, not so much like impatience. More like....come on lets get on with it. I guess that is impatience.

My hair is not blowing in the breeze, I’m not frolicking around City, I have the pill, eye drop, face cream, sunscreen, eat at this time, but not at that time routine. I feel tethered at times.

So then I realize, ah yes 1 year or so recovery. They did mention that. Where am.... I’m only at 6 months I see that now. Rebuilding a body takes time, especially if you want a good healthy one. Wow how will it feel, what will I be able to do again. What will continue to be a challenge? What will I WANT to do with myself when I get to be out in the world with the apron strings cut?

It’s a parallel Universe recovering from Cancer. But I am doing it. I’m trying to find Grace and even have manage to laugh at myself.

I really look forward to going to clinic to see everyone I have gotten to know, and new faces arriving. It is healing and it is uplifting and it is a reminder and it is a beautiful thing at times too.

It really is all Blessed. I feel Blessed and held and taken care of, even when I am stomping my feet inside and thinking UGH!!!

I get to go away for a friend’s Bday for a day and a night and be in nature and take in the beauty of all that is green and alive and not cement and electric. I love nature. Oh what it gives to us if we allow it to.

Noah and I get to go to a beautiful area in CA called Mt Lassen for my Bday at the end of June ( June 24 is the official day) We get to do gentle hikes and see birds and flowers and waterfalls, and mountains, and valleys and stars and feel the silence of the outdoors. We have a Bed and Breakfast we'll be staying at that sounds like it is at the top overlooking a valley. For 2 nights we get this bliss. And if that isn’t enough we are ending our trip at a spa for massages, dips in natural hot springs and a yummie dinner.

So here I am getting to do these things. Connecting with Mother Earth, with God, with all things natural, with each other. And to celebrate. That I am turning 45. What a gift to be alive and to be able to be 45.

So although it has been a rough 2 months, things are becoming clearer. And I am feeling better. And I am feeling happier. And I know the Joy is in my heart, I just forget and get wrapped up in fear and worry.

But the joy is always there…

Its here now…

And I want to send some of this Joy to you, its overflowing my heart so there is plenty to go around.

In SF, it’s foggy. I think that means I should stay in on the couch, being mellow and letting my body rest.

Enjoy your Spring day.

May it be full of love and joy and Gratitude for this amazing Earth we get to live on.

Purrrrrrs
Love
Prayers

Namaste
Victoria